Scenes from a high school journal AKA what the hell was wrong with me

Being forced to clean out your childhood room is a sure fire way to discover cringe-worthy items that make you question whether your teenage years were actually just a mild form of torture.

 Prime example: high school journals.

Your eyes do not deceive you. This freshman year journal does ineed have BSB on the cover. Holla!

Let me dazzle you with some excerpts from the life and times of a 14-16 year old Alex. These were shared with my Fab Four girls over a bottle of Moscato, and let me tell you, the Moscato was a necessary choice.

[Names have been changed to celebrity monikers to protect the innocent]

"I AM THE CLASS PRESIDENT!!! I BEAT THE POPULAR KIDS!!!"

"And when I stand near him, he stares at me. Maybe he thinks I'm pretty just like I think he's hot. Yeah, Matthew Morrison is so hot."

"Info on Matthew Morrison:..." [and I proceeded to list out every bit of information that I had stalkerishly obtained about him].

"Yesterday Maegan and I devised code names for Matthew Morrison and Michael Vartan: the marmoset and the polar bear, respectively." [don't lie, you know you had nicknames for guys in high school]

"Sooo yesterday I did something totally out of character for me. I cassually said hi to a guy I like. Oh my gosh." [OH MY GOD, REALLY???]

"Well, the marmoset spoke to me. Guess what he said?? 'EXCUSE ME.' AAAHHH!!" [don't worry, I know how pathetic this is]

"Marmoset stepped on my shoe on Monday." [shoot me now]

Maybe there's an entry in which I cut out a picture of the "polar bear" into the shape of a heart and taped it in my journal. Maybe.

"All of my friends are silly like me, but this is my less 'dirty' group." [this is incredibly ironic to me today, seeing as how I sometimes have the humor of a 14 year old boy]

"I can't stop thinking about him. Every thought I have is of Michael Vartan." [I crushed real hard, y'all]

"The Marmoset is now the Baboon. Someone said his nickname too loudly when he was close by."

"I've decided that I want to go to Yale and major in film studies." [HA!]

"Ugh, Nic Cage has been giving me the most masturbatory looks. I"m afraid he's gonna ask me out again. Geez." [yeah, I described looks as masturbatory. Points for me.]

"The lifeguard is really hot. He was squirting us with water guns. He's really hot. Ha. I said that once." [I was so eloquent]

And then there are many pages dedicated to the crush I had on Ronnie's now fiance [yep] and how irritated I was when it became obvious that he was totally in love with her. So in a round about way, I am reponsible for their engagement. We can't help but laugh at this 8 years later.

Actual journal page. This is pretty quality, as it both laments having an unintelligent Chemistry lab partner AND has a drawing of a squirrel. You wish you could have been my friend in high school.

 

So after perusing those little gems, please join me in a big ol' "WHAT THE HELL?!"

 

First of all, can we say boy crazy much?? But mine was a dangerous combination: boy crazy yet boy INEPT.

Don't worry, one of those celebrities up there [who also had an animal nickname] went on to be a boyfriend for a couple of years. So I guess I eventually did develop [novice] flirting skills.

 

Second, I cannot get over how incredibly immature I was. I know I was just a freshman/sophomore in high school, but man. What makes me laugh is that I thought I was so cool, sophisticated, and mature. But I'm pretty sure someone possessing those qualities would not excitedly write about a boy she had NEVER TALKED TO stepping on her shoe at school. Shit.

Third, thank GOD the friends I talk about/experience my embarrassing life with in these journals are still my best friends today. They loved me as a dork and they love me now [still a dork, let's be honest].

Finally, as horrifying as some of these finds were, I can't help but miss the SIMPLICITY of those times. Sure, I may have thought that having a huge crush on a guy who barely knew I existed was a big damn deal and would probably damage me for life. False. 15 year old Alex, there is much worse out there. I think we can all appreciate the carefree ways and lack of responsiblity those early years in high school brought.

What I have learned:
I'm still weird.
I still can't flirt to save my life, so thank goodness I don't have to.
I still give people nicknames.
I still stalkerishly obtain information about people if necessary.

High school journals, thanks for the laugh. And for showing me that in the end, I think I turned out just fine.