Friday, November 5, 2010

When I'm feeling feisty I like to get critical

It's Friday, it's cold, and I am hungry. All I want is to leave this office and eat the dinner that awaits me at Pappasitos. All this longing of things that I cannot have right this instant is making me feisty. In my feisty state, I stumbled onto a girl's blog that literally made me want to punch things. It then served for the inspiration of this post:


1. Large hair bows
Are you Minnie Mouse? Are you five? Are you Lady Gaga? If you answered no to any of these questions, you probably shouldn't do this:

Imagine a girl wearing a giant bow. Picture has been removed due to my rudeness.

Hon, that thing is half the size of your head. In my experiences, this trend is quite popular amongst sorority girls at A&M. As with any other new fashion trend that confounds me, I have to wonder what female woke up one day and said to herself, "Hey, I really miss the carefree days of childhood. I think I'll remedy this by wearing oversized bows and making all of my friends do it too."

2. Rompers
I have dedicated an entire post to these monstrosities, so no need for elaboration.

3. Harem pants

We'll play the little question game again. Is it the late 1980s/early 1990s? Are you MC Hammer? Are you dressing up as MC Hammer for Halloween? Are you an Arabian princess named Jasmine? If you answered no to any of these, PLEASE, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, DO NOT DO THIS:

So.much.sagging. Since when is that a good thing? And personally, I feel harem pants can be a potential security threat. You can hide all kinds of things in there!

4. Uggs with short shorts
Weather can be confusing, I get it. But pray tell, what is the point of wearing warm-as-an-oven boots, while leaving MILES of leg uncovered?
And in the case of this particular picture, why wear a jacket if it doesn't even cover your tummy?! This girl is weather schizophrenic.

5. Boot sandals.
I'm sure they're not actually called boot sandals, but that is the only proper description I can think of for these.

Here we go again with the weather confusion. It's like your lower extremities are saying, " toes want to party, but my ankles are feeling a bit more modest today." I wish my feet were that complex.

6. Silly bandz.

Who invented these? Why are they popular?
I suppose they can be equated to the Pokemon phase. Kids get different types [don't worry, there is an abundant variety ranging from fantasy shapes, food, dinosaurs, farm animals, and any other shape that has ever existed] and trade amongst themselves. Fine, fun, whatever. But why are 18-20somethings so gung-ho on them? Like the bows, I sense it is a failure to move on from age 5. I mean, I know I am one to talk about failure to mature, but really guys?? THEY DON'T EVEN LOOK LIKE ANYTHING WHEN YOU ARE WEARING THEM. It looks like a bunch of deformed worms somehow attached themselves to your wrist.

7. Leggings as pants.

I love leggings. I love tights. I wear them often. What I do not do is use them as my sole pant-like cover up. Observe:

Olivia Wilde is hot. She can pretty much do what she wants. But not even she should do this. Unless she is at yoga class. Last time I checked though, the sidewalk was not yoga class. Leggings/tights are meant to be worn UNDER things. They keep your legs warm. They add a little something extra to your outfit. They are not stand-alone items. Period. No one wants to see your bum through your pants. Even if you are really hot.

8. Bump its

Have I hopped in a time machine and warped back to 1962? hmm...My compouter shows it's 2010. Oh sorry, this bump it just had me confused for a second.

Vintage is great. I wish I lived in the 1960s. Or the 1940s [great dresses]. But is this cute? Poor dear is making her head abnormally large. And have you seen the commercials for these things? They showcase the most DREADFUL hairstyles and try to tell women that they are hip and beautiful. Futhermore, SNOOKI IS NOT A FASHION ICON. Have you looked at her?? Nothing about that woman is classy or fashionable.

9. Flat billed hats

I can't let guys off the hook here. These do NOT make you look cool.

Is K-Fed someone you want to emulate, boys? These hats are large. And flat. The combination is not an attractive one. And what's with keeping the sticker on the underside? Do you need a constant reminder of how large your cranium is? Does this correlate to your constant focus on size? Guys, you confuse me.

10. Black tennis shoes worn with jeans as a going out ensemble.

Boys, this is for you again. I could not find a proper picture except for one of a person I actually know [and he's nice, so that would be mean], but just imagine this if you will. I know guys don't always concentrate on fashion and what not, but would it kill you to have some shoes that do not involve laces or that you wouldn't wear to the gym? Combine this look with a flat billed hat, and I might faint from fashion heart attack.

Excuse my rant. Like I said, the feistyness took over.


a n d r e a said...

I feel like I have way too many things to say, but for starters, not all sorority girls (or former sorority girls) dress like pre-schoolers. Silly bandz are kind of cool when aodrable 6th graders give them to you because "you're fun" and they like you. And SOME dudes (ie. Mitch Baker) can pull off the flat-billed hat (note: I'm not even going to tell you what he calls them becasue it's hilarious but wayyy offensive). Oh, and he doesn't keep the sticker on. Just FYI.

Seriously, though, I hate that girl and her blog. Who seriously states "I love ALL things monogrammed!" under their About Me section? Judge.

Caroline Henley said...

things like this post remind me why i love you.

i agree on all accounts MINUS the leggings as pants... some girls (who are ridiculously skinny and have amazing asses) can pull them off. i am not in this category, but i have seen it done and can appreciate it.

btp said...

I've always hated rompers!! And I noticed the hairbow thing at the game in Dallas. I had no idea what was going on. Silly Bandz for children make sense. No idea why grown people insist on wearing them. Unless they teach children. Uggs with mini skirts are also problems.

Embo said...

and this is why i love you. the end.

Bridget said...

short shorts + uggs is the best. what are you talking about?

just kidding.

BethanySusan said...

hahaha i love this and agree with every single item on this list!

Ana* said...

I agree with every single one of them. Except for the silly bands, I wear those *sometimes but just because my little brother gave them to me as a gift lol, otherwise I would have agreed with you on that as well :)

Jenni Austria Germany said...

that first picture - let's talk about it. did you steal this pic from someone's fb? i kind of hope you did.


Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...